I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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