My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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