cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
