No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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