Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
