He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
