Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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