Ambien. No doubt about it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
