eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
