so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
