): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
