you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
