a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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