i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
