some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
