Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
