its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
