I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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