a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
