Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
