I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
