This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
