btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
