Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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