Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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