I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
