If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Congratulations! We have a period
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
