did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
