yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
