My liver just broke up with me...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
this is an emotional support booty call
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
