I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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