dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
