I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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