I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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