I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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