Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
