Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
