I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
