Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
