You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
