dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
