a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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