This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
