i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
