im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
