I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
