Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize