I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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