I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
