The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
