My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
