do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
