Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
