If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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