My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
