Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Quick, to the slutcave!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My bed smells like the plague
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
