He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize