Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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