Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
