New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
