I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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