you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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