I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
