you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
