you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
