Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
