my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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