She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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