Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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