He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
