How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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