He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So many bounce houses so little time
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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