Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
