They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize