Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
