He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize