I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
barbara walters just said penis...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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