i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
