I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize