Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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