woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Come share oat with me in your robe
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
