pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
