Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize
