God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
