how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
