After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
