Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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