SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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